Today marks an entire year since the morning I woke up with an “upset stomach”, only to find out that I was in labor 5 weeks early. I’m still in awe of the entire process, and I find myself wishing that the exact feelings and emotions weren’t fading into distant memories. Myles’ birth was life changing for me in a deeply spiritual and emotional way. It was empowering and magical. It’s something that etched itself deep into my heart and mind, and I was forever changed by it.
On the anniversary of Myles’ home birth, I thought I’d share a snippet of video of him being born. (You can read his birth story here.) I didn’t share this originally because I felt self-conscious about posting it, but watching it a year later all I see is the moment I fell in love with my little boy. Any flaws or awkwardness is just irrelevant in such a beautiful moment, right?
(Please excuse my terrible video editing skills. I did blur some areas. While you really couldn’t see anything, I wanted to be a little modest.)
I’ve learned over the last year that choosing a birth plan isn’t black and white. Initially, I was so profoundly affected by my home birth experience that for quite some time I couldn’t understand why anyone would possibly voluntarily choose a hospital birth. It’s taken me time to realize how insensitive that was for me to assume. Births come in all types and shapes and sizes, and they can be just as profound no matter how they take place. It’s the journey to motherhood that changes you, not the method by which you get there, and no one mode of transportation is right for everyone.
I continue to advocate for people to explore home birth as an option. I believe women should take a proactive role in their prenatal care, do lots of research, meet with lots of doctors and midwives, and then make the decision about what’s best for their family and situation.
I feel beyond blessed to have had the experience I did bringing this little guy into the world.
But even better, I love getting to watch Myles grow and change. He has a HUGE personality that just gets bigger every day. He has a corny sense of humor just like his mom and dad and laughs about the silliest things. He is stubborn and determined. He’s mama’s little cuddle bug. He loves to eat and try new foods. (His love of roasted garlic hummus was most shocking!) He is a daredevil and nothing stops him from walking or even climbing to get wherever he wants to go.
Motherhood is simultaneously the most wonderful and most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced. My baby boy is turning one, and as Mike loves to remind me: every day he needs me a little less. And while I’m so proud of him for that, it’s also incredibly painful. My heart breaks when I look at his newborn photos. I love one-year-old MyMy, but I miss delicate 5-pound, 10-ounce MyMy too. I try not to think about that part, and I try just to focus on drinking in everything he is right NOW in this moment.
Happy birthday, bug-bug. Mommy and Daddy love you so much!